Celebrity E-Mail: Bill Hicks

Dear Bill Hicks,

I know that you've been dead for almost 15 years now, but I thought I would write to you anyway. I am the type of person that likes to be informed, so I tend to ask a lot of questions. I hope that you not in a hurry when you read this... Wait! Your dead! Silly me, you have all eternity to read this! I shall still try and make it as short as possible. Your probably wanting to catch Hendrix on the harp.

The main thing I wanted to ask was how did it feel to be like Jesus trying to tell people the truth on social issues that effects us all on many different levels? I bet it felt great! It's just to bad that you got cancer and died before your work could be finished. I guess you were right when you said that, "We kill those people. Shut him up, we've got a lot invested in this ride!". I know that you weren't murdered, but it still is a tragedy that a great social commentator is dead.

Another thing I've always wanted to know is why people think I'm funny? Since you are in the ultimate consciousness now, I figure that you could give me some insight on this matter. I find myself to be witty, not so much flat out funny. I also feel that no one gets it. By it I mean everything. Anyway I hope to hear from you soon... Right, right, right! Sorry. I keep forgetting that you are dead. I guess I won't be getting an email back form you, however if there is some sort of way to give me answers from the great beyond, then I am open for your response.

Your dark poet in training,
-A. Warren Johnson