Harry Potter: My conclusion to the whole goddamn thing.

Harry Potter has come under much scrutiny by organized religion. It has been called satanic, blasphemous and pornographic. For once I couldn't agree more with my old friends! I find the Harry Potter series to be not only homoerotic, but also set within the confines of a private catholic school! Mozoltov! In this essay I plan to prove it by giving examples by chiefly that wonderful Cinderella winner herself, J.K. Rowling.

Let's start this essay with the easy things first: Hogwarts grounds and Uniform Standards. Hogwarts is for all intents and purposes a cathedral. Much like the Vatican in Rome, Italy.

In this description Hogwarts is described as "A huge, rambling, quite scary-looking castle, with a jumble of towers and battlements. Like the Weasley's house, it isn't a building that Muggles could build, because it is supported by magic."(1) Ironically enough, this is how I would describe the Vatican!

The Uniform Standards are pretty much the same at Hogwarts as they are in any other organized religious private school: "Each student is allowed to bring a cat, toad, rat, or owl. Along with the acceptance letter, first year students are sent a list of required equipment which includes a wand, a standard size 2 pewter cauldron, a set of brass scales, a set of glass or crystal phials, a kit of basic potion ingredients (for Potions), and a telescope (for Astronomy). The Hogwarts uniform consists of plain work robes in black, as well as a plain black hat, a pair of protective gloves, and a black winter cloak with silver fastenings. Each uniform must contain the wearer's nametag. First years are not allowed a broomstick of their own."(2)

The next point I am about to make may offend some people, but in lieu of the recent memorandum by the new Pope about the statute of limitations on certain priests, I find it appropriate to address. Reader discretion is advised.

There is no doubt to anyone that there is a lot going on in the Harry Potter series, however the thing that is much distressing to me is the undertones of homosexuality. Now I do not have a problem with homosexuality. I just don't see the need to even imply such complex themes into children's literature, but here it is as brought to us by that evil British twat.

Here is the unserlying plotline in a nutshell. (Please note that I don't mention all the charatcer's, only the ones that are part of this bizzare love quartet):

Tom Riddle was a student at Hogwarts. He spent every holiday at Hogwarts, even summer vacations. Dumbledore at this time was the Transfiguration teacher. The two hit it off and have what some would call a man/boy love affair. This secret affair more than likely countinued up until Tom Riddle applied to Hogwarts as a teacher.

Dumbledore had his reputation to maintain and broke the affair off with Tom. As their encounters were of the utmost secrecy, this through Tom into a fit of rage. He then killed Hepzibah Smith, framed her house elf and made his get away. No word of the union was ever brought up.

Dumbledore made headmaster a few years later and although he probably had more encounters with some of the male students, it wasn't until his advances on one young Severus Snape proved fruitless that he put some thought into his actions.

Severus Snape was a young and vulnerable teenager. He was picked on daily by James Potter and all of his friends. He was definetly confused about a lot of things growing up, however his sexuality was not one of those many things. His main focus was directed at Lily Evans. Unfortunatly for Snape his attempts at wooing young Lily were curbed, (just as he had done with Dumbledore).

Years later, along comes Harry Potter. Snape hates Harry because he never got to fuck his mother and Voldemort hates Harry because Dumbledore wants to fuck him. Harry doesn't know what he wants to fuck, but he knows that either he's going to fuck, or is going to get fucked. It's really a win-win situation for him as he is completely confused as to what his sexual orientaion really is.

Harry tended to spend a lot of time in Dumbledore's office and always tended on recieving something from Dumbledore every visit. Sometimes that something wasn't always visible, but it doesn't mean it wasn't there deep inside his boyish body. Possibly still wrapped in a cloak of invisiblity. (Magic users tend to find more interesting contriceptives then Muggles do.) This could very well be what Dumbledore meant when he said, "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."(3)

Now let's compare this with the film "Bad Education" by director Pedro Almodóvar:

"The characters in Bad Education–though more richly developed than in his earlier films—are standard for Almodóvar: a priest in love with his beautiful altar boy, a gay film director who is creatively blocked and looking for plot lines in the tabloids, a young actor on the make who is impersonating his gay brother, and the brother himself, a drug addict with breast implants who longs for the expensive surgery that will make “her” beautiful. Almodóvar says the film is deeply personal but not directly autobiographical. One of Freud’s disciples suggested that in dream interpretation the analyst should treat every character in the dream as a projection of the patient’s self. That may not be true of dreams but it seems to apply to Almodóvar’s films. It is easy to believe that the priest, the boy, the director, the aspiring actor, and the transsexual are all Almodóvar’s alter egos."(4)

Although I didn't get to indepth with any other characters, (other than the ones most prevelent to my point), the characters in the aforementioned film would seem to parellel the characters within the Harry Potter series quite nicely.

In closing, I, (to the best of my knowledge), have proven my point that it is ironic that organized religion's crusade to stop consumers obtaining anything to do with Harry Potter, has itself missed the point that it is a homosexual parabel warning childern of the dangers of becoming an alter boy, as well as J.K. Rowling is a twat for incorporating such themes into her beloved little series.

I hope that you have enjoyed this little essay dear reader. Peace, love and goodwill towards man, (Save for J.K. Rowling)

-A. Warren Johnson



(1) Rowling, J.K. "Online chat transcript". Scholastic. 2000-02-03. http://www.quick-quote-quill.org/articles/2000/0200-scholastic-chat.htm. Retrieved 2009-06-31. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogwarts#cite_note-scholastic-chat-1-0.

(2) Unknown. "Hogwarts: Student Life" www.wikipedia.com. Unknown date the page was posted or updated. 2009-06-31. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogwarts#Student_life.

(3) Dumbledore, Albus. "Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets" Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets - 1998, p. 333. Retrived 2009-06-31.

(4) Stone, Alan A. "Lawless" Boston Review - October/November 2004, pp 24. Retrived 2009-06-31. http://bostonreview.net/BR29.5/stone.php