Harry Potter has come under much scrutiny by organized religion. It has been called satanic, blasphemous and pornographic. For once I couldn't agree more with my old friends! I find the Harry Potter series to be not only homoerotic, but also set within the confines of a private catholic school! Mozoltov! In this essay I plan to prove it by giving examples by chiefly that wonderful Cinderella winner herself, J.K. Rowling.
Let's start this essay with the easy things first: Hogwarts grounds and Uniform Standards. Hogwarts is for all intents and purposes a cathedral. Much like the Vatican in Rome, Italy.
In this description Hogwarts is described as "A huge, rambling, quite scary-looking castle, with a jumble of towers and battlements. Like the Weasley's house, it isn't a building that Muggles could build, because it is supported by magic."(1) Ironically enough, this is how I would describe the Vatican!
The Uniform Standards are pretty much the same at Hogwarts as they are in any other organized religious private school: "Each student is allowed to bring a cat, toad, rat, or owl. Along with the acceptance letter, first year students are sent a list of required equipment which includes a wand, a standard size 2 pewter cauldron, a set of brass scales, a set of glass or crystal phials, a kit of basic potion ingredients (for Potions), and a telescope (for Astronomy). The Hogwarts uniform consists of plain work robes in black, as well as a plain black hat, a pair of protective gloves, and a black winter cloak with silver fastenings. Each uniform must contain the wearer's nametag. First years are not allowed a broomstick of their own."(2)
The next point I am about to make may offend some people, but in lieu of the recent memorandum by the new Pope about the statute of limitations on certain priests, I find it appropriate to address. Reader discretion is advised.
There is no doubt to anyone that there is a lot going on in the Harry Potter series, however the thing that is much distressing to me is the undertones of homosexuality. Now I do not have a problem with homosexuality. I just don't see the need to even imply such complex themes into children's literature, but here it is as brought to us by that evil British twat.
Here is the unserlying plotline in a nutshell. (Please note that I don't mention all the charatcer's, only the ones that are part of this bizzare love quartet):
Tom Riddle was a student at Hogwarts. He spent every holiday at Hogwarts, even summer vacations. Dumbledore at this time was the Transfiguration teacher. The two hit it off and have what some would call a man/boy love affair. This secret affair more than likely countinued up until Tom Riddle applied to Hogwarts as a teacher.
Dumbledore had his reputation to maintain and broke the affair off with Tom. As their encounters were of the utmost secrecy, this through Tom into a fit of rage. He then killed Hepzibah Smith, framed her house elf and made his get away. No word of the union was ever brought up.
Dumbledore made headmaster a few years later and although he probably had more encounters with some of the male students, it wasn't until his advances on one young Severus Snape proved fruitless that he put some thought into his actions.
Severus Snape was a young and vulnerable teenager. He was picked on daily by James Potter and all of his friends. He was definetly confused about a lot of things growing up, however his sexuality was not one of those many things. His main focus was directed at Lily Evans. Unfortunatly for Snape his attempts at wooing young Lily were curbed, (just as he had done with Dumbledore).
Years later, along comes Harry Potter. Snape hates Harry because he never got to fuck his mother and Voldemort hates Harry because Dumbledore wants to fuck him. Harry doesn't know what he wants to fuck, but he knows that either he's going to fuck, or is going to get fucked. It's really a win-win situation for him as he is completely confused as to what his sexual orientaion really is.
Harry tended to spend a lot of time in Dumbledore's office and always tended on recieving something from Dumbledore every visit. Sometimes that something wasn't always visible, but it doesn't mean it wasn't there deep inside his boyish body. Possibly still wrapped in a cloak of invisiblity. (Magic users tend to find more interesting contriceptives then Muggles do.) This could very well be what Dumbledore meant when he said, "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."(3)
Now let's compare this with the film "Bad Education" by director Pedro Almodóvar:
"The characters in Bad Education–though more richly developed than in his earlier films—are standard for Almodóvar: a priest in love with his beautiful altar boy, a gay film director who is creatively blocked and looking for plot lines in the tabloids, a young actor on the make who is impersonating his gay brother, and the brother himself, a drug addict with breast implants who longs for the expensive surgery that will make “her” beautiful. Almodóvar says the film is deeply personal but not directly autobiographical. One of Freud’s disciples suggested that in dream interpretation the analyst should treat every character in the dream as a projection of the patient’s self. That may not be true of dreams but it seems to apply to Almodóvar’s films. It is easy to believe that the priest, the boy, the director, the aspiring actor, and the transsexual are all Almodóvar’s alter egos."(4)
Although I didn't get to indepth with any other characters, (other than the ones most prevelent to my point), the characters in the aforementioned film would seem to parellel the characters within the Harry Potter series quite nicely.
In closing, I, (to the best of my knowledge), have proven my point that it is ironic that organized religion's crusade to stop consumers obtaining anything to do with Harry Potter, has itself missed the point that it is a homosexual parabel warning childern of the dangers of becoming an alter boy, as well as J.K. Rowling is a twat for incorporating such themes into her beloved little series.
I hope that you have enjoyed this little essay dear reader. Peace, love and goodwill towards man, (Save for J.K. Rowling)
-A. Warren Johnson
(1) Rowling, J.K. "Online chat transcript". Scholastic. 2000-02-03. http://www.quick-quote-quill.org/articles/2000/0200-scholastic-chat.htm. Retrieved 2009-06-31. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogwarts#cite_note-scholastic-chat-1-0.
(2) Unknown. "Hogwarts: Student Life" www.wikipedia.com. Unknown date the page was posted or updated. 2009-06-31. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogwarts#Student_life.
(3) Dumbledore, Albus. "Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets" Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets - 1998, p. 333. Retrived 2009-06-31.
(4) Stone, Alan A. "Lawless" Boston Review - October/November 2004, pp 24. Retrived 2009-06-31. http://bostonreview.net/BR29.5/stone.php
Write or wrong, it's still in poor taste.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
"Together Now" Excerpt 10
Warren arrived at Borden’s office. Borden was on the phone, so Warren slumped into the chair in front of his desk and placed a finger to his temple.
Borden stared briefly at Warren, nodded hello then signaled to him that he would be a minute. Warren nodded a reply back to Borden.
“Well this isn’t the type of offer you would expect to lose though... Okay, how about I meet with you later on this afternoon?... All right, just let me write the address down...” Borden said as he picked up a pen and started writing down the information. “All right, I’ll be there around 7... Okay, later.” Borden hung up the phone.
“So... You two are still not talking I see.” Borden observed.
“She tried to initiate a conversation this morning.” Warren replied.
“And?” Borden questioned.
“I said hey.” Warren stated.
“That’s it? Hey? Warren, you two came down here on a whim. A mere fucking thought! How long can you be angry for?”
“That’s a good question Mr. Borden. I wish I had an answer. It just seems like every time I try and to please her in any way she just pushes me further away. I don’t even know if she is worth the trouble.”
“Warren, to quote Will Smith: Girls of the world ain’t nothing but trouble. It’s just a matter of what kind of trouble you are looking for.” Borden offered.
“That actually makes a lot of sense.”
“I know it does! That’s why I said it. Look at your situation this way: You took a chance coming out here to become a writer. That you succeeded in. Anne came out here with you for whatever reason. She is a very unstable person, but she still decided to come out here with you. However it’s ultimately up to you what happens in your life and not hers, you may influence her decisions to some degree, but you can’t make her your main focus.” Borden stated helpfully.
“So in other words, should I stay or should I go.” Warren said with the sort of monotone drone that one would expect from an automated phone service.
“If you want to quote The Clash, pretty much.”
“What would you do in my situation?” Warren asked.
“Probably ask you the same question.” Borden retorted.
Warren chuckled at Borden’s wit.
“Anyway, on much more professional level, how’s the re-write coming along?” Borden asked.
“I’m about 40 pages in. I’m finding it harder to focus on something I’ve already written.” Warren confessed.
“Well it gets easier. Lots of writer’s are like you in that sense. Then one day they just find it to be second nature. You have the talent, you lack the refinement and that’s exactly what the second, third or even fourth draft is all about.” Borden pointed out.
“True. It’s just that the story line wasn’t supposed to follow just one character. I wrote Kitchen Life to show how complicated situations in every day life can be complicated and that seems to be getting lost.” Warren whined.
“If you want insight into the human condition through fiction then I would suggest taking that first draft and making it into a novel, but for right now think of the money.” Borden suggested.
“Money you say? I love money!” Warren perked.
“I do as well, so let’s make some money! Finish this draft and get it back to me. Now, what are you doing this evening?”
“Haven’t really put much thought into it.” Warren admitted.
“Nine Inch Nails just lost their venue and Trent was wondering if I wanted to grab some beers tonight while he is in town. Would you care to come?”
“Trent Reznor? Hell yes!” Warren beamed.
“Cool, I’ll come grab you around 6:30. Be ready to go.” Borden directed.
“I won’t let you down.” Warren said exuberantly.
***
Borden stared briefly at Warren, nodded hello then signaled to him that he would be a minute. Warren nodded a reply back to Borden.
“Well this isn’t the type of offer you would expect to lose though... Okay, how about I meet with you later on this afternoon?... All right, just let me write the address down...” Borden said as he picked up a pen and started writing down the information. “All right, I’ll be there around 7... Okay, later.” Borden hung up the phone.
“So... You two are still not talking I see.” Borden observed.
“She tried to initiate a conversation this morning.” Warren replied.
“And?” Borden questioned.
“I said hey.” Warren stated.
“That’s it? Hey? Warren, you two came down here on a whim. A mere fucking thought! How long can you be angry for?”
“That’s a good question Mr. Borden. I wish I had an answer. It just seems like every time I try and to please her in any way she just pushes me further away. I don’t even know if she is worth the trouble.”
“Warren, to quote Will Smith: Girls of the world ain’t nothing but trouble. It’s just a matter of what kind of trouble you are looking for.” Borden offered.
“That actually makes a lot of sense.”
“I know it does! That’s why I said it. Look at your situation this way: You took a chance coming out here to become a writer. That you succeeded in. Anne came out here with you for whatever reason. She is a very unstable person, but she still decided to come out here with you. However it’s ultimately up to you what happens in your life and not hers, you may influence her decisions to some degree, but you can’t make her your main focus.” Borden stated helpfully.
“So in other words, should I stay or should I go.” Warren said with the sort of monotone drone that one would expect from an automated phone service.
“If you want to quote The Clash, pretty much.”
“What would you do in my situation?” Warren asked.
“Probably ask you the same question.” Borden retorted.
Warren chuckled at Borden’s wit.
“Anyway, on much more professional level, how’s the re-write coming along?” Borden asked.
“I’m about 40 pages in. I’m finding it harder to focus on something I’ve already written.” Warren confessed.
“Well it gets easier. Lots of writer’s are like you in that sense. Then one day they just find it to be second nature. You have the talent, you lack the refinement and that’s exactly what the second, third or even fourth draft is all about.” Borden pointed out.
“True. It’s just that the story line wasn’t supposed to follow just one character. I wrote Kitchen Life to show how complicated situations in every day life can be complicated and that seems to be getting lost.” Warren whined.
“If you want insight into the human condition through fiction then I would suggest taking that first draft and making it into a novel, but for right now think of the money.” Borden suggested.
“Money you say? I love money!” Warren perked.
“I do as well, so let’s make some money! Finish this draft and get it back to me. Now, what are you doing this evening?”
“Haven’t really put much thought into it.” Warren admitted.
“Nine Inch Nails just lost their venue and Trent was wondering if I wanted to grab some beers tonight while he is in town. Would you care to come?”
“Trent Reznor? Hell yes!” Warren beamed.
“Cool, I’ll come grab you around 6:30. Be ready to go.” Borden directed.
“I won’t let you down.” Warren said exuberantly.
***
Monday, July 13, 2009
Carlin the Chihuahua
Everything about him screams, "LOVE ME!" His big puppy eyes to his long, somewhat elfish ears. Naturally I am writing about Carlin the Chihuahua. He came into my care by accident. One day a friend showed up at my day job almost in tears as she came to ask if I wanted a little dog.
"OF COURSE I WANT A LITTLE DOG!!!" I cried with excitement. When I saw him I knew he was the best dog for me. First off he is hyper active and I have ADHD, next he likes to pee on things! Something I also enjoy, especially when I've had a few too many beers.
When I picked him up he shook and yipped as if I were dangling him by his hind legs. I knew right then that he liked me. He didn't say much when I first got him, something that has changed substantially since then.
He once told me that he wanted to be a super hero, but when I pointed out that whenever anyone comes to visit he just barks and hides behind the couch he soon re-thought this idea. His biggest ambition at the moment is to be a mathematician. I haven't told him yet that without opposable thumbs that he can not write out his equations. I think it would break his little heart and he is to goddamn cute to do that to him again.
For Halloween we're planning to go out as Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell. I think it will be funny as we are both male. Just to give you dear reader just how cute Carlin the Chihuahua really is I will end this post with a picture of the little guy.
-A. Warren Johnson
"OF COURSE I WANT A LITTLE DOG!!!" I cried with excitement. When I saw him I knew he was the best dog for me. First off he is hyper active and I have ADHD, next he likes to pee on things! Something I also enjoy, especially when I've had a few too many beers.
When I picked him up he shook and yipped as if I were dangling him by his hind legs. I knew right then that he liked me. He didn't say much when I first got him, something that has changed substantially since then.
He once told me that he wanted to be a super hero, but when I pointed out that whenever anyone comes to visit he just barks and hides behind the couch he soon re-thought this idea. His biggest ambition at the moment is to be a mathematician. I haven't told him yet that without opposable thumbs that he can not write out his equations. I think it would break his little heart and he is to goddamn cute to do that to him again.
For Halloween we're planning to go out as Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell. I think it will be funny as we are both male. Just to give you dear reader just how cute Carlin the Chihuahua really is I will end this post with a picture of the little guy.
-A. Warren Johnson
Monday, July 6, 2009
I could have wrote more but...
Hello dear reader(s),
I know, I know. I've been slacking. Most of my time has been spent binge drinking an dabbling in marijuana use... Which usually leads to just more procrastination. For those of you that have been reading with baited breathe, well you already know what I have written so this part isn't really for you. I'm sorry, sounds harsh, but I need to reach out to a broader audience!
For that very reason this post is a very special catch up post! In this blog there are 3 main parts. Editorials of my life, which included drunk ramblings, my views on how the world works and my take on women. Most of the time the stuff about women should not be read by women. Next is a serial story called, "Together Now" which is about a young, slightly neurotic writer and his crazy, slightly sluttish love interest. Good for those that like sappy romance combined with complicated situations that life likes to throw to fuck everything up. And finally Celebrity E-Mail. Which is basically e-mails I would send to celebrities if only I could find their e-mail addresses online!
If this is your kind of blog, then act now and show your support! There are three easy ways to do this:
1.) Become a fan on facebook.
2.) Follow on Twitter.
3.) Follow this blog.
You can do one, or you can do all! Show how much you care by showing your support today! To all the people that are already showing support, thank you.
-A. Warren Johnson
PS- Carlin the Chihuahua loves you all!
I know, I know. I've been slacking. Most of my time has been spent binge drinking an dabbling in marijuana use... Which usually leads to just more procrastination. For those of you that have been reading with baited breathe, well you already know what I have written so this part isn't really for you. I'm sorry, sounds harsh, but I need to reach out to a broader audience!
For that very reason this post is a very special catch up post! In this blog there are 3 main parts. Editorials of my life, which included drunk ramblings, my views on how the world works and my take on women. Most of the time the stuff about women should not be read by women. Next is a serial story called, "Together Now" which is about a young, slightly neurotic writer and his crazy, slightly sluttish love interest. Good for those that like sappy romance combined with complicated situations that life likes to throw to fuck everything up. And finally Celebrity E-Mail. Which is basically e-mails I would send to celebrities if only I could find their e-mail addresses online!
If this is your kind of blog, then act now and show your support! There are three easy ways to do this:
1.) Become a fan on facebook.
2.) Follow on Twitter.
3.) Follow this blog.
You can do one, or you can do all! Show how much you care by showing your support today! To all the people that are already showing support, thank you.
-A. Warren Johnson
PS- Carlin the Chihuahua loves you all!
The day the world went away
I recently have seen nothing to renew my faith in humanity. War, Famine, Pestilence and Death. I have heard of these 4 things once in a book. It used to scare me, but now it is just common place. How can we treat each other like we do without remorse or regret?
Is there something more to this? I think so. It stems from the greed and the elite. A self fulfilled prophecy from a book that has poisoned us with contradictions and impossibly high standards of life. Why do we still talk to women when they are having their menstrual cycle? We isn't there child stoneings in the town square? Why have we lost faith in this book?
The reason is this. That book everyone knows and only a few follow was created by men to control us and keep us down. The book of fairy tales is just that, a book. To quote a Nine inch nails song to drive the point home. "I listened to the world today and in his voice I heard decay." - Nine Inch Nails, The Day The World Went Away, The Fragile, 1999.
Is there something more to this? I think so. It stems from the greed and the elite. A self fulfilled prophecy from a book that has poisoned us with contradictions and impossibly high standards of life. Why do we still talk to women when they are having their menstrual cycle? We isn't there child stoneings in the town square? Why have we lost faith in this book?
The reason is this. That book everyone knows and only a few follow was created by men to control us and keep us down. The book of fairy tales is just that, a book. To quote a Nine inch nails song to drive the point home. "I listened to the world today and in his voice I heard decay." - Nine Inch Nails, The Day The World Went Away, The Fragile, 1999.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Celebrity E-Mail: Lady Gaga
Dear Gaga,
Good evening Ms/Mrs. Gaga. I am A. Warren. I have been repeatedly hearing your music at work and just have a few questions for you.
First I was wondering why you, (or whoever actually writes the musical aspect of your act), choose most pleasing synth tones to make such terrible music? I mean you don't even have great hooks like Prince or the Bloodhound Gang. It's sad that even someone with less talent then Lil Wayne makes music. (Prom Queen is terrible and it shouldn't be heard by anyone).
My next question is why did you decide to wear such an awful wig? I mean seriously. It looks good on a mannequin, but on you it just looks terrible. Please lose the wig, unless you were horribly burnt on your scalp and are unable to grow real hair, for the love of God, please lose the wig.
My last question has been bothering me for weeks now and I really need to know the answer. Are you a transsexual cyborg with futonari in your pants, or lack there of? I don't mean to be rude here, it's just that you look much more like a bad CGI anime sex object then a real person. The only person comparable to your look would be Gackt. And even he looks more realistic then you do! I think you should hire a new image consultant immediatly!!!
Anyway, I am ou of questions and I look forward to your reply!
Your anti Cyber-Fuck friend,
-A. Warren Johnson
Good evening Ms/Mrs. Gaga. I am A. Warren. I have been repeatedly hearing your music at work and just have a few questions for you.
First I was wondering why you, (or whoever actually writes the musical aspect of your act), choose most pleasing synth tones to make such terrible music? I mean you don't even have great hooks like Prince or the Bloodhound Gang. It's sad that even someone with less talent then Lil Wayne makes music. (Prom Queen is terrible and it shouldn't be heard by anyone).
My next question is why did you decide to wear such an awful wig? I mean seriously. It looks good on a mannequin, but on you it just looks terrible. Please lose the wig, unless you were horribly burnt on your scalp and are unable to grow real hair, for the love of God, please lose the wig.
My last question has been bothering me for weeks now and I really need to know the answer. Are you a transsexual cyborg with futonari in your pants, or lack there of? I don't mean to be rude here, it's just that you look much more like a bad CGI anime sex object then a real person. The only person comparable to your look would be Gackt. And even he looks more realistic then you do! I think you should hire a new image consultant immediatly!!!
Anyway, I am ou of questions and I look forward to your reply!
Your anti Cyber-Fuck friend,
-A. Warren Johnson
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