Etiquette for would be muggers

As a rule of thumb whenever I go out to the bars, I throw caution to the wind. Usually because I never have problems with anyone and I don't usually put myself in a position to be in danger. Last night was the exception to this rule.

After I met a girl on the internet I went to have some drinks with her. The night started off fun. I met a gangsta, an unholy black metal goddess and a girl I knew in high school. Of all the people I chatted with I found the goddess the most interesting. She had this cool yet dangerous look in her eyes at all times and the kind of aura that screamed: "You wouldn't want to fuck around with me."

As the night of whistling and yelling at strippers progressed we ended up at another bar. Now the Generator used to be extremely fun, however since the change of ownership it seems to have lost all it's flavor. The once drink stained walls that featured big 80s metal bands have been replaced with a fresh coat of tan colored paint. The dangerous pedestal dance floor has been removed and in it's place is a pastel colored linoleum level dance space. As soon as I stepped inside, I knew I was fucked.

I had no idea why I felt so anxious, but I knew that it was a sign that something bad was about to happen. At the time I didn't know that I was going to willing put myself in such a bad position. I told the girl I had gone to the bar with that I was leaving and that I hope she enjoyed the rest of her night.

As I walked home I had the feeling that someone was following me. I ducked into an alley to spill some urine on a dumpster when all of a sudden a crack head appeared next to me.

"What are you doing tonight?" He asked me. I replied that I was pissing on a dumpster. He then asked me if I would like a blow job. When I declined he grabbed my wrist, I quickly jerked away and shoved him with the hand he grabbed, he staggered half a foot back and turned, I stepped forward and landed a lucky hay maker on his back. He fell, slid about a foot, got up and continued running.

I decided that following him down the dark alley wouldn't be the safest thing to do so I went the other way. Gripped in paranoia I ended up at the girl's place I had gone out with. Her babysitter was nice enough to check out my forearm for any puncture wounds just in case he had a syringe in his hand. There were none, thank the one collective consciousness! I passed out shortly afterward.

Needless to say, the night was completely twisted by this event. I came to this conclusion when I stopped and thought about the situation. I was almost stabbed last night, but at least he had the courtesy of offering a blow job before hand.