Dear Octo Mom,
I have recently been seeing your face grace the covers of the tabloids in the super market. Although I regret to tell you that I do not know your whole story, I see that you had 8 children in one labor sitting and can only assume that this is the reason behind your name.
As I have no children of my own, I have a few questions of how this all works. First off I really am interested to know if you are one of those kink girls I see from time to time on sites that have pornography. I'm not trying to criticize your life style if you are, I am just curious if all 8 children came from one fluid ounce of semen or if it was a combination of 8 different loads. If it is the latter, kudos to you! That is an amazing feat and you should get a plaque made up in your honor!
Next I was wondering what you do when breast feeding? Do you have some sort of circular conveyor belt that systematically feeds two kids at a time, or do you just feed each one individually until another one cries for milk?
Finally the question that is burning deep inside my head most of all is was this a publicity stunt to gain notoriety, or did you actually want to have 8 little ones? I only ask because as I have said before, I don't know the whole story. I would rather hear it from you directly than to read about it in a tabloid magazine.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter over. I sympathize with how busy I can only imagine you must be and I can only hope that the coming years are filled with joy and warm memories!
Awing over all the cuteness,
-A. Warren Johnson
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