Mythos: The magical world of writing.

I have recently received emails from readers of my blog about how they can get their stuff published. The rules of this bleary eyed, coffee addicted, cigarette burning industry are as follows:

1.) Do a biography and hype yourself up, and be sure to promote your writing! Then when people go to look for your stuff they won't be able to find it. Then what you do is claim your collective writings have been banned due to content, then start an online petition to get your content into print.

2.) When you do get picked up by someone who cares enough to publish your material, you will surely get responses out the ass about your content not being very graphic/controversial or whatever your claims maybe, you simple sell the masses the line: “I KNOW! They brought in an editor who took all the goods out!” This should tied most of them over, but the next step is tricky and should probably be performed while your scrawl is being published.

3.) Go back and dirty up your work! It is quintessential to dirty up your work, as well as fun! What you do is simply go back and back up your claims. If your story is about a reckless drunk driver that runs over a boy and befriends his dog, go back and make the boys death as gory and detailed as possible! Make it ridiculously and senselessly violent! It not only validates your claim, but also helps when you release the missing gorefest part exclusively on your blog, or in a comic strip, or whatever format you get published in.

4.) Come up with another story/article fast! Make it in the same vein, but make it unique and twice as strange, weird or whatever your genre is. Be sure not to skip the stuff you have just gotten published for. If you do happen to stray from your initial success, be sure you write about how you were inspired by some vague and obscure thing that has led you to God. However, if you do go down this path, be warned. You MUST discredit all previous work and state it should be burned.

5.) Once you have been published, you would do best to work on a self image. I don’t mean a portrait either. What you need to do is work on the character you have created to play you. You don’t always need to be this character, but you need to be them whenever your out in the public eye. It will not only boost your readers, it will get you some notoriety in the tabloids, and the is good for publicity!

These are the rules. Love them. Live them. It’s your myth, now make it real!