Celebrity Email: Rob Zombie

Dear Mr. Zombie,

My name is A. Warren Johnson and I am a big fan! I've been listening to you music since I was in grade seven, and have always enjoyed revisiting the "Astro-Creep 2000" album from time to time. Although, I find the music on "Astro-Creep 2000" hasn't really evolved at all since the first experience. Now I know you are probably busy re-creating some horror film that does not need to be updated, I will keep my questions short and to the point.

First of all, I have always wondered why you perpetuate the image of being an undead rockstar, yet always seem to have a giant robot on stage whenever you tour. Is this a symbol of the "Zombie" being kept alive by technology? Or merely to blur the line between horror and science fiction? More importantly, why the robot from "Astro Zombies"? I mean it does look really cool, but "Astro Zombies" is the kind of movie that a seventh grade school kid would write because they do not understand story structure or the purpose of narrative. However, I suppose it does sort of give a nod to the "Astro-Creep 2000" album. Although, it is a very flimsy nod.

Next I was wondering if you and your wife have horror themed sex? I know, I know, it is truly a personal question, but one that I can't stop pondering. The reason I ask is due mostly to that episode of "Cribs" where you showcased your horror film collection and life sized replica of Frankenstein's Monster. So naturally, if you are that serious about the horror genre, then one can't help but ponder if you dress up like the wolfman while your wife dresses up like a seductive space spirit . . . Or some such character.

Finally, what is the point of "El Superbeasto"? I really can't figure it out, and believe me, I have watched it close to eighteen times, and still cannot see the purpose of the film. For instance, why is there a scene which spoofs "School House Rock"? It felt out of place with the whole "Sudsy Powers of Hell" speech. Sure, there was bubbles in the transmogrified portion of the song, but what are these sudsy powers of hell? Why does Dr. Satan require them? How do these suds even work? When-- well okay, the when was explained . . . But it still made no sense! Oh well, I am sure you will be able to explain it once you reply.

I would like to take this moment to thank you for reading this letter, and I hope I have not interrupted you in a repeat viewing of "Dawn of the Dead" in your personal theater.

Happy Halloween Hootenannying,

-A. Warren Johnson