Celebrity Email: Ke$ha

Dear Ke$ha,

I have never been a fan of tramp-glam, but after hearing your song, "Tik Tok", I have concluded that white trash is still not sexy. This fact -- yes I am flat out calling you a hooker-- I still have a few questions.

First off, where did you get those boots? Even though I think you are nothing without the 'Auto-Tune' effect (not a fan of T-Pain either, although he is a lot less painful to listen to) those boots where probably the only saving grace of your video. I am interested in acquiring a pair a some point in time.

Next, I wanted to know what the obsession with drinking your face off until dawn is hot? Maybe this is the small town mind set coming out, but where I come from there is only one word for a girl that drinks excessively until day-break: S.C.U.D. (Skanky Cunt Unfuckable in Daylight). I am really curious, how is this attractive?

Lastly, do you really think Mick Jagger would sleep with you? Maybe Keith Richards, but Jagger is way out of your league Ke$ha. And by the way, the dollar sign in your name, are you trying to be edgy? Do you really think that placing a dollar sign in your name give you license to promote Jack Daniels? Personally I think Jack has been doing fine the past fifty-four years without your help.

Thank you for taking the time to read this highly opinionated letter from one of your many un-adoring non-fans,

-A. Warren Johnson

PS- A thought to the label, maybe just keep the oh-uh-oh-oh-ohs and cowboy boots, lose the white trash singing and you got yourself club gold.