You Drink & Blog. You Lose. An English Essay

Andy Johnson

A.J. Mittendorf

English 103, C02

October 4, 2009/ Journal 3

You Drink & Blog. You Lose.

The way alcohol works is quite an ingenious thing, in and of itself. It has led me down some interesting paths. Most memorable time being my twenty-fifth birthday when I was drunk and lost in the woods. I saw a Sasquatch. Swear to whatever God you believe in! This is not what this essay is about, however. Sadly, my fresh six pack of idea’s was lost in the mail from Synecdoche, Quebec, Canada. Today’s topic (fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how much you enjoy my writing) is about my blog. (The mechanics of writing a blog is a somewhat difficult practice, yet with a little alcohol, an imagination and some sort of marketing gimmick, you too can have your very own internet space to write about nothing!)

The first thing I did when I started my blog was go hangout with a friend for beers. At first the conversations were a little less than small talk and way too much about Warcraft. After about a case and a half of beer was consumed, we began discussing our future plans. Naturally I cut my friend off in mid sentence as I stated that I would one day be a great writer. This went on for around half an hour. Finally my friend had enough of my delusions of grandeur and suggested I start a blog. Being drunk and highly suggestible, I did!

When I got home I sat on my computer and stared at the blank screen for fifteen minutes. (This is almost the perfect amount of time to remember what it is you are trying to do while you are intoxicated.) The memory hit me! I was starting a blog! Now, whenever you are about to start anything, it is highly suggested that you do your research! I personally don’t have the time, or motivation to go on such a venture when something important comes into my life. I need it done now! Blogger was the first blogging site on my returned search for blog sites, Blogger it was! I raced through my online application with as much agility and coherent thought that someone who is completely inebriated could and got my account activated! (I don’t really remember this step to well as it is now a drunken blur, but I am sure that you won’t have a problem with it.)

The next thing I did after my account was activated was to post something. I am a very sloppy writer when it comes to grammar and punctuation, so my first post reads something like this: Itss realy erly and I am compleetyl drunk. I jusst set this acount up and hase noe idea how offten my possts will be made avalibe for all of you my beloved readerws. In retrospect I should have probably edited it a little more before I posted, but I figured that the editing feature would have caught most of my errors. As it turns out you actually have to do the editing yourself. Stupid technology!

Anyway, after these steps are complete, the most important task is next. This task is your layout and content. The way your blog looks should visually inspire the theme of your content. My is set up sort of like a newspaper page. (I find newspapers to be boring, yet familiar.) Your content should than be able to mirror your content. What is your content supposed to be about? How should I know? It’s your blog, do whatever you want! Mine has three main features; Editorials, Celebrity Emails (which is basically me making fun of celebrities) and serial stories. Yours could be about vaginas that have butterfly wings for all I care, just as long as your layout and content have the same feeling.

These few meager steps may --most of the conclusion to this How-To guide was also lost by the same negligent mail person that misplaced the idea for this essay. If anyone has seen the original idea or conclusion for this or any other essays, please post a comment on www.awarrenjohnson.blogspot.com-- So next time you are blogging drunk, please blog responsibly.