Dear Rihanna,
I have recently been jumped by three unruly young teenagers that happened to be listening to your hit song 'Shut up and drive' while they beat me senseless. Now I found this somewhat ironic in light of the tragic recent events in your life.
I do have a few questions though. Please don't take offense as I am just a curious party. My first question is probably the most important of all. What kind of steak is better for a black eye? I was thinking about going for a nice top sirloin however I have heard that a lean New York may work better. Any insight you have on this choice would be great.
Next I was wondering what song was playing when Chris did the damage? Was some of that rap music playing at the time? I have always found it very violent. Yet (funny enough), not as violent or homo erotic as UFC.
This is my last question, I promise. What is your contraceptive of choice, or do you prefer to leave it up to chance? This last one is more of an interest in my quest to find out what the majority of women in the world prefer, so please don't be offended.
Love and respect,
-A. Warren Johnson
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