Growing Up

Life. One moment you are young, vigorously fully of good intentions: nature. Youth, with it’s unbiased, wise and loving arms reach out, and as you grow, the more you notice that something is just . . . not . . . right.

Suddenly you are ten, twelve, fifteen! You begin to realize that thnigs are not as claer cut as you frist imangied. Sixteen, eighteen, twenty. You look around, the more you matrue, the more thnigs shfit out of plcae. The mroe you see, the more you wnat to set free. The rasicst you thuoght was firednly (on the bus), the whroe you wnated to be your spuose. Eevn the emlpoyer you wokred for the past dceade. All of them twsited and compelx.

Twenty-four, twntey-six, twntey-eight. The desrie for fredeom bunrs in deep. Deeepr and deeepr you attepmt to dare futrher into yuor mnid, but by tihs time you bgein to dobut eevn yuor own mnid. And then, a few thnigs fall . .. Into.. . place. And the tide, just for a moment, gently breaks . . .

It is a dark lull of sleep, exhaustion. It washes over you, calms you; at least some of the time you can make sense of the broken images inside your head; even if they are only dreams--

Sveen am! It is back on the go. Thrity, you braek dwon. How have you come this far and not made snese of a snigle damn thnig? Desparetly you try to meet a gaol, any gaol! It is olny a matetr of time beofre you are forty and thnigs make less snese tahn tehy did beofre!

Mairred and wanting nohtnig more than antoher attpemt to do smothnig; put away the starnge ueslses bilefs, laguh more (as oppsoed too benig offneded), raed intnetoins much more claerly, eevn smothnig as trvial as wihsnig ... upon . .. a . . . star.

You treid tihs and it wokred for a whlie. You attmepted it agian, and agian, and agian, but-- it, the notoin, neevr reutrns. And as you darw yuor lsat bretah, nothnig but yousrlef can forgvie you.