Hello Nostalgia Critic,
Thank you for your many acts of kindness; Remembering things that people would rather forget, inventing Santa Christ, bringing Lindsay Ellis on Team TGWTG as the Nostalgia Chick. The list can go on, and on.
As you may have guessed, it's question time! Yes, that's right, I have a few things that I must know. Namely because I am self-centered and like to know people's dirty little secrets! So without further delay, QUESTIONS!
Number one. Have you ever thought about doing serious reviews? While I do enjoy your slapstick off-the-wall rants, I often find myself wondering what your show would be like in a more serious context. This really came to mind after watching your review of Siskel and Ebert. Wow, just wow. I could not believe how well you pulled that episode off. Have you ever thought about a secondary show like that away from www.tgwtg.com? While I can't speak for everyone, I would thoroughly enjoy it!
Number two. This is delving into a more personal matter, but I need to ask it anyway. Do you critique internet pornography before you view it? If so, what's your system based on? Example: Number of positions, run time, how many films the actors/actresses have starred in prior to the clip. I'm not sure why I want to know this, but since you are a critic of the visual media, I just assumed that this question would come up eventually from one of your fans.
Number three. Is it true that you don't actually have a job outside of www.tgwtg.com? Now, I know that the production of your shows is a lot of work. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I am just interested to know if you make enough money doing what you do on your site to be able to not work a day job?
Well Critic, as I have emptied my bag of questions, I must now thank you for your time, and bid you farewell.
Your part-time adoring fan,
-A. Warren Johnson
Write or wrong, it's still in poor taste.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Celebrity Email: Tommy Wisaeu
Dear Tommy,
I have recently heard about your film The Room, and with my deepest regrets, have to inform you that I will not be viewing it at any point in my life. While I have no doubts what-so-ever that you have indeed made a fine (I use this word very, very loosely) film, I just cannot bring myself to watch it. However, I do have a few quick questions that are imperative to know. Naturally, for my own piece of mind.
First off, what inspired such a work (trust me, there are other words I would use, but I do try and keep C.E. at a PG-13 rating)? As this film is clearly without artistic merit, I am genuinely curious.
My second question has to do with the writing aspect. Did you raise the money to make The Room first, then decide to write the script? Because if that's the case, it would explain the major plot holes (even though I didn't see the film, I was curious enough to read the screenplay), the awkward and poorly developed dialogue, and the strange sex scenes that took up no less than eight pages! Why Tommy, why? Why does a sex scene need to be eight pages long? Furthermore, was there even a second, third or even fourth draft of the script? I'm not sure if you know the process of screenwriting works, but multiple drafts are there to iron out the kinks! Good rule of thumb when writing, always make drafts, and unless you are making an adult title, keep the sex scenes to a page-- page and a half maximum.
Well Tommy, I am all out of questions. Thanks for taking the time to read (which I know might be a little hard for you, as the clips from The Room can attest to) this letter.
Your-- biggest, non-fan? (I think that would be correct),
-A. Warren Johnson
PS- Those people that laugh at the screening of The Room-- They're not exactly laughing with you . . . Sorry, I hate to break that to you.
I have recently heard about your film The Room, and with my deepest regrets, have to inform you that I will not be viewing it at any point in my life. While I have no doubts what-so-ever that you have indeed made a fine (I use this word very, very loosely) film, I just cannot bring myself to watch it. However, I do have a few quick questions that are imperative to know. Naturally, for my own piece of mind.
First off, what inspired such a work (trust me, there are other words I would use, but I do try and keep C.E. at a PG-13 rating)? As this film is clearly without artistic merit, I am genuinely curious.
My second question has to do with the writing aspect. Did you raise the money to make The Room first, then decide to write the script? Because if that's the case, it would explain the major plot holes (even though I didn't see the film, I was curious enough to read the screenplay), the awkward and poorly developed dialogue, and the strange sex scenes that took up no less than eight pages! Why Tommy, why? Why does a sex scene need to be eight pages long? Furthermore, was there even a second, third or even fourth draft of the script? I'm not sure if you know the process of screenwriting works, but multiple drafts are there to iron out the kinks! Good rule of thumb when writing, always make drafts, and unless you are making an adult title, keep the sex scenes to a page-- page and a half maximum.
Well Tommy, I am all out of questions. Thanks for taking the time to read (which I know might be a little hard for you, as the clips from The Room can attest to) this letter.
Your-- biggest, non-fan? (I think that would be correct),
-A. Warren Johnson
PS- Those people that laugh at the screening of The Room-- They're not exactly laughing with you . . . Sorry, I hate to break that to you.
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